Friday, October 16, 2009


One year ago today I boarded a plane to start a new journey in my life. Oh, the emotions are something that I will never be able to explain. Just writing this post gets me so emotional. I never thought that this day would come and now we are at almost a year that we have welcomed this precious little gift into our lives.
I remember that day as we boarded the plane. It was a rainy day. We started out going to Boston where we met up with some of our friends that we met through out the wait. We were all so excited and nervous at the same time. We all had a lot of nervous energy and I think we all felt that we couldn't believe that this was really happening. We then headed to Dulles where we met up with all of our travel mates. We were now on our way to Beijing. OMG! It was finally happening. The flow of emotions were incredible. I just couldn't wait to get there.
After many hours of traveling we had finally arrived in Beijing Airport about 2 in the morning. I remember getting off the airplane trying to tell myself that it was 2in the afternoon and not 2 in the morning. As I walked off the plane and into the airport you could feel the humidity and you could see the very faint sunshine. I was very out of sorts and was trying to convince myself that it was the afternoon. As we went through airport you really started to feel that is was day time. The feelings and the emotions were all so heightened with travel. We were finally here. Our long journey was about to begin. Holy Cow! She really is going to be ours!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Saturday, September 19, 2009


Today was a beautiful fall day. It was sunny, about 69 degrees(a little chilly for me)with a slight breeze. What a nice day for an outing. We decided to take Emma to this little farm festival for children. They had hayrides, horse and cart rides, Arts and craft for the kids to do and little farm animals. Emma loved the animals and really wanted to pet the baby cow but, it got scared every time Emma got near it. She loved watching the pigs and even got to hold one of the bunnies. She is just so cute to see around animals. She just loves them so much.
We then went on to a little wading pool that the children could fish in and win a prize. She got tired of trying to pick up the fish with the little rod, that she just reached her hand in and picked up what she wanted. Next we went onto the pumpkin painting. She loves to paint. She really got so into painting the pumpkin, that we finally had to say are you all done. I think that the whole pumpkin would have been completely covered in paint if we let her. After painting the pumpkin we decided to get something to eat. She had a hot dog some chips and a little bite of my whoopee pie. YUMMY! Not the healthiest lunch
When we were all done with lunch we let her do one more craft. It was making a little paper scare crow. It was so cute to watch her attempt it. We had to teach her how to use a glue stick. She thought that she was painting again. She picked out the shirt, overalls, shoes, eyes, hat and drew the mouth and nose all by herself. I'll have to take a picture of it and post it. Right now it is on the frig.
All in all she had a wonderful time and so did I. She was really tired and it was time to go home.
On the way out there was a scare crow sitting in a chair in the farm stand. She stopped, looked at it and asked "what's that mommy" all the time she was keeping her distance. I told her that it was a scare crow and she kept asking "what's that". She really didn't want to get too close to it. It was so cute to watch her. She finally did get a little closer, as you will see in the pictures.
Then off to home we went and down for a nap.

Monday, September 14, 2009


This past weekend was our Compassionate Friends, Children's Memorial Garden Social. It was a rainy day but, many people turned out to celebrate our Children's lives.
This event takes place every year where we hold our meetings. It is in a garden that was made in memory of all of our children that have died too soon. Although it is a beautiful way to honor our children, it is still very painful to be there knowing that everyone there has lost a child or children. Where else would you want to be though? Of course amongst people that know what you are going through. It is always very hard for me to go to these events now. There are just so many people there and it pains me to know that so many children have lost their lives.
As we arrived we were greeted by friends that we hadn't seen in a while. It was nice to catch up with everyone and see what they all have been up to. It's amazing that almost seven years ago this Nov. we met these people for the first time. A club that you don't ever want anyone to join but, very glad it is there. Even though time has gone by, these will be people that we know we can always count on for a shoulder to cry on. They have been there with us from the very beginning.
As the day went on we caught up on everything that we have been up to and everyone finally got to meet Emma. They were all very happy for us. There was a real nice cookout, nice gifts and some little things for the children. Next it was time to release the butterflies. Everyone was given one for each child they lost. Then you can either go into a private place or over to the garden and release them. It is always an emotional time. It is part of letting go. Just to know that our boys are out there somewhere, is very hard for me.
This year was different because Emma was there to share it with us. She wasn't so sure about these creatures. She wanted so bad to touch them but, was afraid to. She eventually did. She really enjoyed the day and had plenty of children to play with. It was beautiful and sad at the same time to see hundreds of butterflies flying around and on all of the flowers. Here are a few pictures of the day.
I will eventually catch up on summer with my blog.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


One year ago today in about 45 minutes (well by the time i finish, we would have already had Emma's pictures) we saw Emma's little face for the first time. We left our house at 5:30PM for the adoption agency. We were very anxious and excited. We had waited so long for this day and now it had finally arrived. We could not imagine what this little babies face would look like. Would she have petite features, would she have hair, would she be smiling in the pictures, so many things went through my mind in that short 25 minute ride to the agency. I knew that I would fall in love with her the minute I saw that face, and I did.
When we arrived at the agency we were greeted by our social worker, Maureen. She brought us into her office and asked us if we wanted all the information first or the pictures. She said that she usually gives the parents the information first because once she gives the parents the pictures, they don't hear anything after that. They just keep staring at the pictures. Well, we decided to see her pictures first. I cried the minute I saw her little round face and those beautiful Hershey kissed eyes. I feel in love again! She just looked so sweet. I knew from that minute on that she was meant for us and that she was my daughter. What a gift! How lucky were we.
I have sat here for the past two days reflecting on our long wait, everything that we have been through with the death of our boys and making the decision to continue with the adoption. We started this process before our boys died and had to make a tough decision whether to continue or not, or would we look back and regret it if we didn't go through with it? We knew that it was something that we always wanted to do and even though we were in so much pain over the loss of our boys, we knew that we still wanted to go through with it. You don't get second chances in life sometimes and if you do, you better take them. I can not tell you how lucky we are that we did. We made the right decision.
We got our referral, which was two days ago on the 11TH. I have gone through all of Emma's pictures and I still have to pinch myself to make sure that this is all real. I still can't believe that she is really our daughter. She is perfect for our family. She has made me laugh again with out feeling guilty. She has put the wind back in my sails. I don't know what direction we are going in from here but, I can surly tell you that it is the right direction. She is truly an amazing child and we love every minute that we have with her. I just wish that it would slow down a little. She has changed so much before our eyes. She went from this little tiny baby into a full blown toddler in 9 months. She has come so far and is doing amazing things. We love her so much that it hurts.
I hope that the pictures are in order of oldest to newest. If not you get the picture. It is amazing how much she has changed. Enjoy and I will catch p with all of Emma's summer pictures soon.

Saturday, July 18, 2009


I know that this is a very past due post. On June 12Th though the 15Th we traveled to Amelia Island Florida to met up with some very special people. These people I met three years ago in what we all thought would be a short wait to the journey of our daughters and sons. Little did we know that we would have waited over three years to get out children. In those three years we chatted on the Internet and got very close with a group of very special women. I would like to think of them as my family.
We shared fun times, hard times, long waits and disappointing news in the process of this wait. We became each others support system and family.
We first met each other in Philadelphia three years ago for a girls weekend and that's where it all began. Next there was a weekend in Savannah and then about a year later we had another one on Lakeland, Florida. We did finally let the husbands join us.
Now that we all have our children, it was time to get together again and finally get to meet each others children. We all met in Amelia Island for a great weekend at the beach. What a great weekend it was. All the girls are so beautiful and each have such cute personalities. They are all special in their own way. They were so much fun to watch and see all of them playing.
The first night there we had a nice dinner at the beach thanks to all of the people that were able to drive. They all supplied the food and drinks. The next day we spent at the beach and then later in the pool at the hotel. Later that evening we all went to an Irish pub for dinner. Can you just imagine 10 babies and their parents in one restaurant? It was a true experience. The resturant knew that we were coming but, I don't think that they could handle all of us. It was a nice time anyway. I just love spending my time with everyone. I only wish that I had more time to send with each and everyone.
Later that evening we decided to do pictures on the beach of all of the girls. We had these adorable little ladybug dresses, that Stephe gave all of the girls(thanks Stephe) and after that we were doing the girls in white dresses. I made each of the girls white pillowcase dresses. They all looked so beautiful.
It was one very special weekend and I can't wait for all of us to be together again. We missed a few people that couldn't make it this time.

Monday, May 25, 2009


This has been one busy weekend. We started off with a big cook out on Friday night for Katie's Birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATIE!
The weather couldn't have been any nicer for a cook out. It was in the 90's on Friday and by the evening there was a nice tropical breeze.
The party went really well. On Saturday we had to be at a Soccer Tournament to present 3 awards in memory of Tim. The soccer tournament which is held every year in our town, brings teams from all over New England and some other states.
Tim used to play in the soccer club. He played from second grade until 8Th grade. After that they head off to the high school teams.
Because Tim always displayed good sportsmanship, they decided to present an award in memory of Tim every year to three teams that display good sportsmanship during the tournament. Not only did the teams have to display good sportsmanship but, the coach and the parents had to as well.
They ask us to come and present the awards and to talk to the parents. We had to be there three times during the day yesterday.
Later in the day we went up to my brother's house for a cook out and a bonfire along with horse rides with the cart. Maria took Emma and I for a ride. Emma just thought it was wonderful and kept asking for more. She was just so cute. She really loves animals. She really wanted to touch the tail of the horse but, was a little afraid. She finally did touch it. We had a really nice time.
Today is a relaxing day. Beautiful weather.