Sunday, August 24, 2008


Today is what would have been Tim's 23rd Birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY! I can't believe that you are 23 already. Where does time go? I would have loved to see what you would be like right now. You would have graduated college this past spring and I wonder what you would be doing. Would you have a girl friend, would you be living at home or trying to get an apartment with some of your buddies. I miss all of these mile stones and am very saddened that I will never get to experience them. I am happy that I do have wonderful memories of you and I will Cherish them forever.
We will be having a cookout tonight and I will be making some of Tim's favorite foods. I think that we will hang out on our deck, enjoy the evening and toast away to Tim.
I love you Buddy and miss you more everyday.


This weekend was The Annual Saab owners Convention down in Fort Deven's MA. It was a beautiful weekend for the show. We drove down in our prize 1988 SIS Saab convertible(a classic). The sun was shining, the weather was perfect and the drive couldn't have been a more beautiful drive.
When we arrived we were greeted by many friends(Kyle and Tim's fiends). We were glad to see them. We parked the car and got out to visit with many people. As we were walking around we noticed the boys banner. It is for The Crisman Brothers Award. We went over to it, to find more friends and the boys trophy. We decided to pull the car(which by the way was Kyle's dream car) near the banner and put the trophy and the boys pictures on the back of the car. It was a perfect spot to display it. We stayed until about 2:00PM and than decided to head home. We had to be back for the dinner at 7:00 to present the boys award after dinner.
Kyle and Tim's award was established in memory of them by Saabnet and the Saab convention. The award is a perpetual award that goes around with the show all over the country every year. Next year the convention will be in Colorado. The award goes to any 21 or under that enters their car in the show. They have to have the love, passion and just plain be nuts over Saabs. Kyle was very passionate about his Saabs. By the time he was 18 he was already on his third Saab. He loved everything about the cars and Tim was following right behind him. Kyle made friends from all over the world. We have been lucky enough to have met a lot of them.
At the awards dinner last night we presented the top five winners. The first place winner had the passion and love for his car. It just reminds me so much of our boys and makes you miss them so much. I feel really good when I am around these young men because it makes me feel closer to my boys.
In the banquet room we set up a table where they hung the boys banner and put the boys pictures on it. It is such a nice tribute to Kyle and Tim. This way people that didn't know them and might not be familiar with what happen, can get to know a little about them and see who they were.
We are very proud that Saabnet and Saab does this for us. It is such an honor to honor our boys at such an event.
Thank you to all.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

One week since Emma's pictures

Wow! It has been one whirl wind week. We got Emma's referral on Monday the 11th and we got her pictures and information on the 13th. We fell in love with her the moment we saw her picture. She was born 1/14/07 and just turned 19 months old. She is such a cutie. She has chubby cheeks and only weighs 18 pounds. She is such a peanut.
So much has happened since referral. We have had to get paper work to the agency really quick. I even carried down our acceptance letter to our agency last Friday. I needed to make sure that it was going to be there in time. On Saturday, I Fed Ex ed the rest of the paper work to the agency.
Tonight is one week since we got Emma's pictures. I still feel that it isn't real. I look at her pictures and say, is she really ours? She is just so cute. I can't wait for the day I can pick her up in my arms. I want her to feel secure with us. I want her to know that we will love her so much and be there for her. The hardest part of all of this will be taking her away from the only life she has ever known. She will need to grieve the loss of her current life. The transition may go very well but, it may also be a very difficult one for her. I only want whats best for her. I know that we will be there to support her through her grieving process. I just want to cuddle her and let her know that everything will be OK.
I know everyone wants to see pictures of Emma. I am not sure when I will post them. I would love to do so now but, our agency frowns on it. They would prefer that the blog be password protected. I have to decide what I am going to do. I might go ahead and post them, just not right now. I'm sorry for all of you that have been waiting to see her picture. I am torn with what I should do. Keep checking back. You never know when I will change my mind.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Now that things have settled down and company has gone, I can finally let all of this sink in.It has been one crazy week. First getting ready for Kyle and Tim's road race on Sat. Then having a party for that here at the house after and next referral day on Monday. What an emotional few days.
We celebrated Emma's referral by going to our waiting parents meeting. I had asked if I could bring a bottle of champagne and the SW said absolutely. We headed up to the office and when we walked in everyone stood up and clapped for us. What a nice surprise. It just felt so good. We have been sharing our journey with these people for a while now and just wanted to share the excitement with them. We left the meeting early and headed home. When we got home we had a house full of company. There was Chinese food, champagne, presents and flowers. It was so nice to have everyone there to share this special day with us. What an emotional day it was. I was so exhausted by the end of it. Now we get to celebrate all over again when we get Emma's picture. That is when it will really feel real. I can't wait.
We should be getting Emma's information and picture anytime now. I just can't wait to see her little face and find out how big she is. What kind of personality will she have. Will she be shy, quiet, outgoing, strong wiled, stubborn maybe just plain happy and giggly. Oh how I can't wait to find out. I'm wondering what size clothes that she will be in. I'm hoping that she is petite so that she can wear everything that I already bought for her. I'll love her not matter what.

Monday, August 11, 2008


Today at 11:51 Emma arrived. Our social worked called and gave us the news. Her Name Is YUE MENG ZHU, DOB 1/14/07, Yugan County SWI, Jiangxi. I can't believe this has finally happened. I really thought that we might get an older child so, I was thrilled to get an 18 month old. However it would have been nice to get a younger child but, I am very happy and thrilled with little Yue Meng Zhu. Now all we have to do is see her little face. Our agency makes us wait until all of the documents are translated before they give us her picture. We should be getting the information by the end of the week. I just can't wait.
I'll tell you it has been quite a day. From this morning wondering when we were getting the call, to getting the call sheet and cameras ready to actually finally getting the call. My emotions were all over the place. One minute I was crying the next I was getting really excited and then back to crying when I got the call.
When I got the call, I called Erik on my cell phone and put it on speaker and put the house phone on speaker also. That way Erik could hear everything at the same time I did. It was quite an emotional call. I couldn't speak at times because I was so choked up and crying. I am over the moon now I just have to come back.
WELCOME TO EMMA, shes finally arrived. I can't wait to meet her in person.


Well, today will probably the day. I can't believe that this is finally happening. we have waited three longs for this moment and I am a nervous wreck. I have tears in my eyes as I am writing this. I can't think straight or concentrate. I don't know what to do with myself. I have so many emotions going through me right now. I just wish that the "call" would come in. We have our bottle of champagne chilling just waiting to be opened and toast to Emma.
I thought that we would have gotten our referral last week but, it is best that we didn't. We had a very busy weekend with our road race for our boys Kyle and Tim. We have company all weekend and it just would have been a crazy time to get Emma's referral. Now that things have settled down, I will have time to process all of this. It was a beautiful weekend for the boys race. I will do another post to talk about the weekend.
Now here I sit waiting for a call from my social worker. Come on Maureen call me!
Be back later with the details.

Thursday, August 7, 2008


Well, we are still waiting to hear something. This is the longest wait. I can't believe it. There is a rumor that the cut off date is Jan 27 2006. This is very disheartening. Only two days again in one month. I wonder if things will ever pick up. Even though I am so excited for our referral, my heat is hurting for all of my fellow Panda's that are still waiting. It makes it hard to get too excited because I know just how they feel and have been in their shoes all along. It really brings you down when you get that kind of news and you just feel like this is never going to happen. Hang in there girls! Love ya!
Maybe something tomorrow will show up. Maybe there is a little luck in tomorrow 8/8/08. Lets hope.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


There is a rumor out there that referrals might have been mailed on Monday the fourth.Lets hope this is true and that we might hear something today or tomorrow. I can't wait to finally see Emma's little face for the first time.
This week has been one filled with so many emotions. I have been staying numb for the most part. I have had bouts of excitement and then yesterday I was getting angry that we haven't heard anything. Today I am getting so excited, that the thought of getting our referral makes my cry. I think that I am finally getting excited and can't believe that after three years that this is finally about to happen.


We have been waiting since last Friday to hear something about referrals and nothing, not even a rumor. This is so frustrating. I think it is the longest week of my life. I can't believe that we haven't heard a rumor until yesterday or the day before. It wasn't much of a rumor. Now we have to sit and wait. I sure hope that we hear something soon.


On July 12th I had the most beautiful baby shower. My good friend Laura planned and organized it along with, Katie(my daughter), my Mother, my sister, my good friend Sharon. So many people helped to make it the beautiful day that it was. I am sure that I forgot some people (sorry) but, referrals are on the way and I can't think. I just need to catch up before they come out and then I won't even be thinking straight.
The shower took placer in my backyard. There were green, pink and yellow lanterns hanging in the tents. The center pieces were ladybugs, they were so cute. Laura even included butterflies in the theme(butterflies represent the loss of a child). I felt that my boy's were right there with me. The menu included Chinese food,ladybug and butterfly cupcakes that my mother made and ladybug cake. The weather couldn't have been better. It was a lovely afternoon. Below you will see a slide show of the shower.
I would love to go on about the shower but, now I have to post about waiting for our referral. Thank you everyone for such a beautiful shower. Thank you to all who helped to put it together(all the kids included). It was truly a wonderful day. I couldn't have wanted anything anything more. It was perfect. Love all of you.